Do you really want enlightenment/ascension?

It seems like I chose to let go of power before this lifetime. Strength somehow frightened me, and when you avoid it you become weak to others. And it is quite unpleasant experience. So I tried to pursue alternative strength – not physical but rather of the mind, be it esoteric or anything related to spirituality.

The concept of enlightenment sounds perfect in that sense for it’s associated with some kind of superpowers. This common belief allures the mind, as it’s craving for control could be satisfied handsomely. And this is fine when you begin your spiritual journey.

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My story – the dark (k)night

Disclaimer: This story isn’t meant for everyone – only for those who faced the dark night.

It was a year of 2007 or so. I was bored by everything – my small town, my job, and all the rest of mundane things. My job at that time was ok – nice boss, no pressure, above average paycheck, but I felt unfulfilled, passionless. Bored. Because of all those ‘fluffy’ channellings I read, I was self-confident enough that I could change my life as I see fit. I was young enough – less than 30 – So I decided to move to bigger city.Read More »

My story – the awakening begins

For quite some time I visited some spirituality themed internet forums, and started to take interest in channelled messages from various entities. Some were ‘fluffy’, or ‘sugary’, some were about ancient history, some caused a tear. I consumed a lot of them greedily.

It was a new excitement, there was always new information about something that seemed to be interesting. I felt like my spirituality grows exponentially, so that one day wings would literally appear behind my back and I would leave this star-crossed world behind. Otherwise, my life was boring as hell as I tried to immerse into mundane, regular life and to be like everyone else.

One day I stumbled upon a name that mesmerized me. It was St Germain’s. Not sure how to describe, but it felt familiar. And by the way, by that time I was already a strong believer in the reincarnation. I befriended a woman from internet forums, and she kind of told me a lot on the subject, including some stories about me and her being ancient souls with history and so on.

But where were we. Since I found St G., I started to follow his channellings and CC in general. In a few month I started to recognize myself as shaumbra. It was a fun period of my life, I felt like everything goes the right way. I didn’t realize back then, that the dark night was coming 🙂

My story – funny story

Now the funny story. If you haven’t read 1st part, I recommend you to scroll to previous post and read it first.


Since the ‘guru’ was living in Moscow, and I was from some other region, I offered to gather as a small group that was interested to meet and share. Several people agreed, and since I planned to arrive by plane, ‘guru’ volunteered to meet me at the airport.

It was slightly warm summer day. Before the flight, ‘guru’ mentioned that he could be a little late, which happens sometimes in a big city. So when my plane arrived and I was heading to the exit, I was going to call him. I glanced before me and saw several people standing there. They were nothing of interest.

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My story – some early years

I’m a ‘feelings’ type of guy. In my early years I had a lot of feelings; one of them was telling me that there is something outside the box we live in, that the world I percieved with the eyes is merely a small portion while the ocean of something else eluded my sight.

And there was another feeling or a sensation – almost like a physical weight on my shoulders. I haven’t realized what it was, keeping everything to myself. My school teacher called me ‘a cat that walks by himself ‘. It seemed that other people wouldn’t understand me a bit, so I just observed. And I was looking for answers that no one could give me – concepts of spirituality weren’t present much in my social environment.

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